just as an update, im on a full hiatus from gif making.

i am…….existing.

is semi-semi-semi-hiatus a thing?

scratch that, im on a full time hiatus. my energy levels cannot sustain it :( and im burnt out. me/cfs is a real pain in the ass.

Hello my other favourite blue hellsite (affectionate)

the worst is wanting to create and create and create but being trapped in a body that is so so so so tired

people who try to "remind" you of your favorite characters' horrible actions make me laugh. "Let's not forget they did this and that" yeah I haven't forgotten, I'm just too busy putting him in a cute outfit

this morning I am thinking about this little gem

and specifically about the feeling I've been turning over in my head for...a while, I think, about the way that there's this ambient assumption on Tumblr (and quite possibly elsewhere, this is just where I am) of...sub/masochist-as-normal-state, or at least sub/masochist-as-fine-but-not-questionable state, and it feels like that, on the flip side, ends up incidentally or purposefully constructing doms/sadists as the deviants, as inherently "sus."

and it lines up to a certain extent with the way that the conversations I see on this website about kink/BDSM often come from a sort of "presumed sub" perspective that leaves very little room for the thoughts and feelings of doms as valuable or important, and thoughts about an essay I read a while back that talked about the comparable societal acceptability of "fantasizing about being hurt" vs. "fantasizing about hurting people," and how "sadist" is a dirty word in a particular way that "masochist" isn't

it feels like sometimes there's this sense that (a) it's normal to have a little bit of sub/masochist tendencies, that's fine but (b) the only acceptable way to be a dom/sadist is if you feel bad about it. the ideal is to feel vaguely guilty, and mostly do it for the sake of somebody else's pleasure rather than your own.

I made a post a while ago that I can't find right now but it was, if I recall, "nails sign to tumblr door that says "doms have feelings too"" and I was joking but also I'm not.

just to start, it MUST be acknowledged that people who believe along the same lines as the quote included at the top are not demonstrating a healthy attitude about sex, kink, or cnc specifically. they're placing moral value on fantasy and the CONSENSUAL things someone might get up to with consenting partners.

and consent, in kink, isn't begrudging. responsible kink includes enthusiastic, affirmative consent, ESPECIALLY when doing things where someone is going to pretend they don't want it.

the idea that someone who wants to play act in a certain role is born of ignorance and puritanical attitudes about sex. it's not a belief reflective of reality.

fwiw, no submissive who practices kink in an ethical manner wants their partners to feel bad. I want my partner to feel good about what we do. I love that my partner wants to hurt me in the fun ways I want hir to. that means we get to have this kind of fun TOGETHER. that's awesome and exciting!

honestly, all of this is just shitty Tumblr being shitty. it's conservative, right wing, rad/fe/m rhetoric masquerading as something different. full stop, end of story. restrictive, shaming attitudes about sex and kink are unacceptable, and we all need to do the constant work of unlearning harmful beliefs and behaving in ways that promote our happiness and safety as well as the happiness and safety of others.

basically, if someone wants to be a dom and do fun things with someone who wants to be a sub, if the idea of hurting someone in a way that that someone desires and explicitly asks to be hurt makes a person happy, that's fucking rad and I hope they are able to find partners who will appreciate what they are bringing to the table.

and I hope everyone who holds beliefs that shame other people for their kink related interests and the playacting they want to do starts to challenge those beliefs. it's hard at first and you need to start small, but learning more about the complexity of the human experience is worth the effort. learning to accept the fact that things you don't understand arent inherently bad is worth the effort. learning not to fear what you don't understand is so worth it. learning to tell the difference between fantasy and reality is so important. and! by doing this work to accept others, you also learn to accept yourself more broadly. it's a win-win.

this is critical so I'll reiterate in a different way: the belief that someone who is interested in pretending to be an aggressor in a cnc scene is potentially or inherently dangerous is the product of not understanding the difference between fantasy and reality.

my gender is so weird....like I wish I was born a boy so I could be feminine....girl what